RUTHLESS: SOME HELPFUL BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING TIPS
- Show up early. This can not be stressed enough.
- Show no mercy. This, also, can not be stressed enough.
- When engaged in “consumer combat,” remember these three areas: eyes, nose, and throat. Have you ever been hit on the nose before? Your eyes tear up instantly; you can’t see shit. Do I even have to explain the throat? Is that toy really worth your ability to breathe? Let’s just see if they test YOU.
- Show no mercy. I’m repeating this one for emphasis.
- Whatever you do when engaged in consumer combat,” also remember this: it’s only illegal if you get caught. You’re young, and fierce. Use biology and evolution to your coldest advantage. Make Machiavelli cringe at the ruthless terror you unleash on your fellow shoppers; make that old philosopher look real close at the flotsam and jetsam left in your wake.
- Show no mercy. Money is love; shopping is power.
- Have fun out there!
— Jackson Williams.